i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize