I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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