Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
