Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
