I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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