Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
