I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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