a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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