Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
