I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
