After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I think i got beer on your cat.
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