you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
