So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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