Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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