dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
