She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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