Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
