ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
