SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
MIDGETS
????
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
