new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
