Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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