dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
