My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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