I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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