I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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