new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
well you can't waste a boner
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
