i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
