There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
