I accidentally burped into my bong.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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