i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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