We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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