He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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