So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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