Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
