I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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