Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Your dad touched me again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
