You're so nebulous sometimes
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
