you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
