he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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