So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
its not stalking. its research.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
