Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
