I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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