I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
