Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
