PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize