The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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