I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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