Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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