it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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