Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
