I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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