literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
