whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize