We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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