i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
