I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
