Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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