Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
