Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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