that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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