wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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