You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
