We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
