You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize