I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
