Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize