We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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