I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
