I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
