So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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