Me too!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
