Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think people are normalizing furries
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
